The Greatest Binky

A Mask For Patriots and Rugged Individualists

Masks Are Great, America: The Greatest Binky

Fellow Rugged Self-Reliant Free-Thinking Patriotic Americans:

In today's post-truth environment:

  • Are you left feeling like you've brought a list of mututally beneficial negotiation strategies to a presidential debate?

  • You've finally shown up at the gun fight just to realize nobody has guns, but everyone around you is secretly trying to kill your grandmother?

  • When pissing in the pool no longer works, is the diarrhea strategy looking like a viable option?

Well folks, we have just the diarrhea you need!

The MAGA Mask is your solution to the disaffection and confusion of dealing with a world got all weird and left you behind.

Post-Truth, The Best Strategy Against Rational Thinking

The highest level of self empowerment in life is doing and saying whatever you want without regard for logic or consequences.

If life keeps intruding with inconvenient realities, your best defense against progress and rational thinking is a masterful retreat into naval gazing, appeals to emotion, and circular reasoning. For years it's been the go-to strategy for talking heads, talking asses, and violent populist dictators, and now this powerful approach is ready to work for you!

A simple strategy of complete denial of any inconvenient fact, situation, or responsibility works best, followed by re-defining all situations in terms of a "huge win" in favor of yourself or your team. This allows even the the biggest of losers to come out a winner.

The secret is to aggressively cultivate a zone of reality distortion. Just convince yourself and anyone in your sphere of influence that feeling something strong enough is not only equal to outmoded concepts like facts and logic, but actually superior in almost all respects. After all, if it feels like a win it's obviously true, regardless of facts. This lets you and your team quickly move on to "great victories" and "triumphs of the human spirit" in virtually every aspect of your life.

To some this reality distortion comes naturally, but others have a troubling tendency to get derailed by facts, curiosity, and empathy. However, we've done extensive testing and these traits can easily be kept under control by maintaining a high level of cognitive dissonance with the MAGA Mask.

If hero worship for getting face fucked every waking moment by a narcissistic billionaire can't get you in the right frame of mind, nothing can!

You can flick it and it makes a wee little boiiiing!!!! sound.
You can flick it and it makes a wee little boiiiing!!!! sound.

The MAGA Mask is a triumph of cognitive distortion in physical form. Simply wearing it will bring the perfect frame of mind to leave logic permanently behind.

If you or your loved ones are having trouble eliminating rational thoughts from your lives, you need the extra power to start getting big wins every day! Act now and bring greatness back!

It's a win!

Note: if you're a humanitarian in need higher quantities, such as for company events or family reunions, we have package deals that include hundreds of masks, a helmet, and UL rated bulletproof vest.

Technical Details

  • Three point contact for added stability.
  • No batteries needed, runs indefinitely on naturally occurring wind and bio-gas.
  • Better mouth feel than competitors.
  • Manufactured in China
  • Tested on the intellectually infirm.
    some proportions may not be anatomically accurate


Product Size:21.6 x 28.0 x 40 cm
Product Weight:35g
Shipping Size:21.6 x 28.0 x 20 cm
Shipping Weight:50g


The Greatest Binky

Start Warping Your Own Personal Reality With The Greatest Binky!

Out Of Stock


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Who says love alone isn't enough to find happiness!